ups and downs

Having two kids is an adventure the likes of which I've not experienced before. I am more sleep deprived, more physically and mentally exhausted, and more pressed for time and energy than ever before. I also have more reasons for joy than ever before.

Samantha is such a sweet baby girl. Her smiles just melt me. She coos - which AJ didn't, so this is new for us. She sings back to me when I sing to her. We have "conversations" back and forth.

I love AJ more than ever. He learns new words every day and has a memory like an elephant. He grows to like Sammy a bit more all the time, though he still doesn't like it when she cries or when he wants my attention and I'm holding her. He pets her and gives her kisses without being asked. He tells her "good morning, Sammy!" All babies are now Sammy. He likes to watch short videos on YouTube (thanks, Stan, for starting that with motorcycles! He's a terror when we turn on the computer now) and any baby in any video is now Sammy.

A few weeks ago, Monte was told that he was deploying to Afghanistan in April. A few days ago, he was told that his billet was cancelled. Am I relieved? Yes...and no. Yes...I'm glad he's not going to Afghanistan in April. No...this does not mean he isn't going at all. He is next up for deployment and many more billets are expected in the near future, so he's still being deployed in the near future. We just don't know *exactly* when. So I'm happy...and I'm not! The enemy you know versus the enemy you know is there but can't see yet.

We had discussed taking a family vacation before he deployed, thinking that deployment would be later this year, or next year (or, if I'm really honest, NEVER. Nothing like a hefty dose of reality to correct wishful thinking.). Before the deployment was cancelled, we planned to go on a Disney Cruise. Trip insurance doesn't cover NOT deploying, and since he will still be deployed sometime soon, we're going anyway! On March 7 we sail on a 7 night cruise...I can't wait. Being out on the ocean is the most peaceful experience I've had. Sammy is barely old enough to go. You have to be 12 weeks old and she will be 12 weeks and 4 days. AJ knows we're going on a Big Boat with Mickey Mouse. We've told him that Mickey is big, like Daddy, to avoid screaming when he's confronted with a 6' rat.

As much as I love being a mama, I'm really not enjoying sleep deprivation. AJ ate on a schedule when he was tiny because of some medicine he had to take - and it had to be EXACTLY every 6 hours. We fed him every 3 hours and he was happy to be scheduled. He'd chow down a bottle in no time flat. Sammy, on the other hand, is not a regular kind of girl. She changes up when and how much she wants to eat every day. It doesn't help that in her short, nearly 11 week life she has had two colds, making slurping on a bottle hard to do. Sometimes she chugs down 5 ounces in 15 minutes. Sometimes she takes 30 minutes to daintily sip 2 ounces. I know she will get to sleeping through the night...I just wish it would happen TONIGHT!

Naptime.